LostSmilingSoul

I made you see that there is more but pain and hate.. I made you look beyond this dark rain.. Yet, I still look at clouds so dark and rain that causes flooding.. I live with hate, he is my companion I live a life of pain, it occures daily. It's all to much and I can't take it, anymore.. It is starting to kill me bit by bit and very slowly.. I think I won't survive. I think I will drown in this river of Hate and Pain Love is word I've alsmost never used. and when I've used it.. I use in the wrong way.. Familly love is rare The feeling of protection is even stranger. It makes me cry every night in my dreams. It's been a l

It isn't so that because I changed the people around me changed. (by means my family) They stayed the same. They are still nervous people, thinking they now all because they are older. When actually they now nothing, they only now this sentence: "Because I'm older and your parent. I have got all control over you and you should listen to me because my ideas are the only ideas there are. If you, my child, thinks something else you shall be punished." It's an idea, that I don't understand. An idea I'll never take with me and learn my own children. They think they've learned me so much and such great things. And it's true. They learned

Writing was a part of my world, it was part of who I was. Now since everything changed dramatically, life had a new meaning and writing doesn't mean the same as it used to be. Writing used to mean, revealing pain and anger, sorrow and heartaches. Writing used to main, telling personal things in phrases that now one understands, only the ones who know me, those see what is going on. Writing now means, telling stories about my life. In simple phrases and easy words. Now it's like I'm making a summary about the past It's like I want to make a new start with new ideas. I'm finally at a level where I think I know what I want. I hop

Lying awake Every evening Thinking about the past About a place where I felt safe Thinking of a person Who has all ready helped me so much I'm hoping that my past Becomes present again Hoping that old relations Will awaken again I know it won't happen in a second It will take time and trust But I'm willing to give them that Well maybe I'm wrong And maybe destiny wanted me to leave them behind maybe they got it all ready planned for me I don't know It's so strange What am I thinking ? I live a life, some many people want But I …. I don't seam to except this Need something to believe in Everyone needs this But what

How is it possible Not to feel a thing when you are gone How can I be so mindless and thoughtless ? I should be missing your presence.. Words I can say easily but feelings No I don't have it You aren't making me upset or something like that What should I do now ? I tell people I miss you I even got you fooled around.. Nobody know about this About me and my feelings And I guess nobody should know this It is to complicated and to strange For you all, Even for me. I ain't that insensitive I have got feelings Just not at the right time Place And maybe even not for the right person  ? I should be questioning myself Do I re

I can't find reasons why This place is so great to live in When all I can see are empty wholes and empty people with no purpose in life Just living theirs Can't seem to find a place here on earth Where I can be me Or where people don't hide but stand out Can't find a place where an individual can be individualistic centanly not here.. not in this place.. not in this house.. Cause he's driving me crazy, driving me into madness; He's killing me slowly with all this words and his acts; the things he's saying every day Not a single day he leaves un used to destroy me to cut me deep into my soul He'll get me once He'll get r

Close T0 D€$p@|r It's controlling my life It's controlling all of my desires Everything I've longed for, I've put firts in my life the goals I made for me They all are faiding it seems like this is all I'm living for It's driving me crazy I'm near despondency I'm near the end of joy I'm near the end of pleasure Why can't them see, what my life is all about why can't them see, what pain is invading me why can't them see, what madness is taking over me No! Them all mean good Them all mean the best for me From one day it all faded away This thing I was dreaming of my own little desires it all got lost in his eyes D